By Ana María Flechas
On social networks we always find testimonies of people who have decided to migrate and almost always these stories are motivating, hopeful and very positive. But is migrating really like that? If we were left with only these testimonies, we could say yes; But the reality is that migrating is full of nuances, difficult moments, loneliness, new beginnings, new achievements and also leaving behind many things and people. We have been taught to romanticize migration, when in reality this is a process in which many of our foundations are lost and reorganized.
Migratory grief is understood as this process of assimilation of the losses associated with the migratory experience. And since it is a process, it is not linear, nor should we expect it to last only for a certain time. On the contrary, this grief can arrive at any time during migration and can be triggered by different circumstances.
But what is lost in the midst of the immigration process? Joseba Achotegui, a psychiatrist specialized in migration and mental health, divided migratory grief into seven categories:
- Grief for family and friends.
- Grief for the language.
- Grief for culture.
- Grief for the land.
- Grief for status.
- Grief due to contact with the ethnic group.
- Grief for physical risks.
Many times we do not see that our bases and roots are so important until we move away from them. And it is at that precise moment that we begin to miss the flavors, the smells, the everyday life that previously bothered us, family members and meetings. The simplest things begin to be necessary and by not finding them in the new reality we begin to compare, which is valid, but at a certain point it prevents us from beginning to settle in the new place of residence.
It is important to live the process and although it is not necessary to go through all the previous griefs, it is important to identify what is making us feel sad and incomplete in this new stage.
Migrating involves many losses and although the circumstances that have led us to make this decision impact our experience as a migrant in one way or another, the truth is that no person is exempt from entering into migratory grief. Therefore, it is important to have some tools that help us face and overcome this grief.
In episode 373 of the podcast Doubts are given away, Ashley Frangie and Lety Sahagún speak in an intimate chat with Irene Del Valle, a psychotherapist specialized in migration and intercultural relations, about migratory grief and its different nuances. At the end of the session they make a compilation of some tools that can be helpful in facing this new stage, which have as a common characteristic the effort that the migrant must make to create new ties, give themselves the opportunity to get to know the new place they it is inhabited, understanding that it is valid to change and that it is okay to be a different person in the new place. Well, when you let go of what you left behind and understand that reality has changed, the process can become lighter and more enriching.
Personally, the tools that have helped me face this migratory grief have been therapy and building a network of friends who have supported me from a distance. Many times, when one is lost it is very difficult to find oneself again, that is why it is valid and often necessary to ask for help from people who know us or to begin to open up to someone to help us understand ourselves and this new process. .